He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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