how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
