Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
