I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
