I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
