my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
