well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
hell yes lets make some ravioli
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
