I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
