ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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