i jhust puked up my retainher.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
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