omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
