Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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