Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
