is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I am available for nakedness
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
