Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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