i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
