But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
