OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
