My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
