Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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