Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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