i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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