you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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