I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
