id be glad to
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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