How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
