Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
