walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
