I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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