they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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