I wish I could punch you in the face.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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