it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
