That's when you crack a 10am beer
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
