i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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