I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
