it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
