Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
