literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
