As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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