My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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