omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
