Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
