I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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