:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
