Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
