"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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