People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
