It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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