my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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