Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
