That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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