do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
